Posted by: amica | October 18, 2009

Another Generation…

I was unable to attend my Aunt’s funeral due to my job and I knew the drama it would cause by my being there.  The grandfather was there as it was his sister to honor too. He would make a ruckus about seeing the kids and that just can’t happen right now. I knew it wouldn’t be the time or place for that argument so it sealed my decision not to go. It turned out to be a great decision. Birth mom also showed up which was the last thing I expected since when I last heard from her in April, she was living down around us planning to get married. Not only did she show up but she came with her oldest daughter, M and H’s big sister. Her name is B, she is 16 and has lived with the grandmother since she was about 1-year-old. She quickly informed my mom that she is now living. with. her. mom. In a small town not far from where we grew up. That’s all I know, I have no idea if they are living alone which I doubt. Her mom has always lived with men because she has no way to financially support herself. I have no idea if her grandmother gave her up legally. I have no idea if she is still in school. I am pretty sure her mom isn’t clean or she won’t be for long. I do know that the grandmother is single now after a long marriage. I do know that she had been in trouble at school and home for the past year and is at a very impressionable time of her life. I do know her grandmother never wanted children, her or her mom. I do know that the grandfather makes a huge deal about not getting to see M but not so much about H and obviously not B who has always lived about 10 miles from him and he never sees. I do know that both grandparents agree to this new living situation and only further strengthens my desire to keep the kids out of that circle. I do know that the grandmother gave up, the grandfather doesn’t care, and the mom has nothing positive to offer that child. She is the same age her own mom was when she dropped out of school and became pregnant with her. She had already been using for a while. I do believe birth mom thinks this will help keep her clean and really believes she can do the right thing. She has never been able to admit to anyone, especially herself, that this isn’t possible for her. That she needs to give herself a long time to prove to herself that she can do it for herself  before she tries to do it for someone else. I don’t know how my kids would react to knowing their sister now gets to live with their mom. It’s not anything I plan on sharing with them but eventually…

I hate this…

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Responses

  1. oh my. When you told me about this I never even thought about M and H eventually finding out that B was living with K.

  2. Sounds like a very well thought out decision for your kids and your sake and for your mom. Glad the younger two are out of that situation, sad for B that she is probably doomed to repeat her mother’s mistakes. So, dear old grandad only cares about seeing the boy…jerk! Your lucky, lucky kids that they have a wise mom.

  3. This just totally stinks. Glad you can keep it mum from M and H. And sorry for B that she’s in that situation.


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