Posted by: amica | October 16, 2009

Happy Birthday H!

Today is H’s 9th birthday. It is so unreal to me – she was just this adorable little 3-year-old when she came to live with me:

HannahX

She walked into my house and said, “I’m going to live with you!” She had not been told this was actually the case as it was a pretty hurried situation. But she knew. I thought wow, she isn’t even phased. I had no idea. I slept with her in the beginning because of the nightmares. All. night. long. I would watch her sleep and her face would twist and become scrunched up and the tears would flow and she would cry out. It was an awful thing to witness and I couldn’t make them stop.

She was such a funny little girl, the things she would say and the stories she would tell. We were all so impressed with her imagination…

There were immediate problems with little boys. My 3-year-old telling little boys she wouldn’t be their friend if they didn’t do things with her. Heartbreaking but I thought if I could explain to her that this isn’t what little princesses should do. If she only understood then she would stop….

She has always loved to draw and color and paint.  She draws people mostly, always has. They are happy and loving and exactly the way the world should be. I believe she enters these drawings the same way I enter books. Getting lost in another place, but in her case, she can create that place to escape to….

She has never been defiant (until this past year), never raised her voice or got angry. She appeared to be such a happy child that got along with everyone. Everyone loved her. People would come across the store to comment on her. She would start a conversation with anyone and they were completely charmed by her, (until this past year). She never seemed phased by anything and nothing got her down. I can look back now and see huge red flags but at that time, I thought she was just full of sunshine…

H is now a different child. More exposed or less, I can’t tell. She is still funny and beautiful and smart and creative. I feel frustration most days with her lately. I am glad I am writing this, taking time to remember that little girl with the nightmares, allowing me to remember her pain. I know she can’t help her behaviors and I know they are getting worse by the day. I am afraid of what tomorrow or next year will bring for her. For us. But I love that child, no matter her behaviors. I wouldn’t change my decision to be her mom almost 6 years ago. I didn’t know then that we would be here now but how humbled and grateful I am that God brought this amazing little person to my life. I have learned so much about myself and my abilities through her. Such a cliche’ but so true, I am such a better person because of her. She brings a new way to see the world through her eyes and it’s an amazing view….

Happy Birthday, Sweet H! I hope it is a wonderful one and I look forward to celebrating the next 50 with you. Thank you for being my little girl.

HBeach

Advertisements

Responses

  1. Ohhhh. Happy birthday H!

  2. Happy birthday H!!!!!

  3. happy happy birthday to H!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: