Posted by: amica | October 7, 2009

God Bless This Family


Looking For A Family

I wanted to help pass the word about this situation.

I also feel compelled to write about it.  This is my opinion based on my own experiences and evolution.  I don’t know this family or their specifics any more than you would if you read their current post. I do feel their pain though, as much as one possibly could.  I am sure that before I had children I wouldn’t have understood this situation. I would have said there is no way I could let my child go. I would say there is always another option including long-term residential care. I was wrong. I had no idea what it takes to be a parent and the capability to love someone far more than I could ever love myself. That love for my child would allow me to let them go. I can’t even imagine the pain this woman/family is in with this decision.

There was a time even after having the children that I would have judged, I’m sure. I didn’t just become a parent and all my views changed. But in one night they did. In that one night my heart shattered into 100 pieces and I felt nothing would be right again. I hadn’t protected my daughter, I hadn’t known the severity of my son’s illness, I was terrified they were going to take ALL my children away from me. I felt my daughter would hate me and resent telling me, I knew the baby would be so scared and not understand, and my son… My amazing, funny, smart boy! What was to happen to him? I won’t lie, there were moments that I was so disturbed by his alleged actions (turns out, if you aren’t a frequent reader, that my daughter falsely accused her brother of most everything that night) I didn’t want to be around him. I was on a roller coaster going so fast that my emotions were all over the place. It took a few hours for those disturbing feelings to completely vanish. I was never angry, I didn’t want him to go away, I didn’t blame him but to look at my daughter, I really can’t describe what I felt about him. I was a puddle on the floor heaving, shaking, unable to eat, and completely terrified, for days. My worst nightmare had come true, one of my children hurt another of my children and now I may possibly have to choose between them. Thankfully, thankfully, thankfully by the grace of God, this didn’t happen and my daughter admitted that she made the worst of it up. There were still some unacceptable behaviors by my son, but nothing compared to what she had accused him of. But that night changed my beliefs. I knew I had to protect my daughters. I was terrified of losing my son but I wanted to protect him too. As long as he continued (alleged) behaviors, he was also harming himself. Like I said, thankfully I was never actually presented with any of my children leaving my home.  I might one day but hopefully not. As someone said, this is a very real possibility in our world. But I know that the way to protect my child that is harming others is to get them help. Keeping them in the situation puts ALL my children at risk. The one harming the others only gets sicker each time he/she harms someone. This leads to an adulthood of harming others and that isn’t fair. To anyone.

I would hurt. OMG I would HURT. But I would do it. Because I love ALL of my children that much. Sometimes loving is letting go.



  1. Thank you for helping. The farther and farther the word spreads, the better chance my son has of finding his home..


  2. Beautifully written post. Your voice in this matter needs to be shared. Love you.

  3. Yes, we had to disrupt before an adoption but it killed us to have to choose to let some go in order for others to stay.

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