Posted by: amica | August 10, 2009

Weekend Woes

What a weekend! I can usually have one RADish down while the other is in high gear but not recently. M has a stash in our house somewhere.  Between my mom and I, we have torn the house upside down. But things keep appearing. Yesterday I went in his room to find a pair of shorts he had been unable to button that morning. They were sticking out from under the bed so when I leaned down, I then found some bright orange substance on the comforter and sheet. Lifted the mattress and I found some nails, big ones that you could build a fence with or something. (Not a knowledgeable nail person, sorry) So my mom happened to come in and she noticed the window screen looked loose. Mind you, I have solar screens on his windows so they can’t just pop off – they have to be unscrewed from the outside. I then noticed his few books on his shelf has become a few more books – his sisters’ books. I really had to scratch my head on this one. Why would my 12 year old son have My Little Pony and Blue’s Clues books in his room suddenly? So I pull them out and leaf through one by one. AH HA! That little bitty DS game was hidden so nicely amongst those books. I am still unclear as to why the extras but I am not going to drive myself (more) batty about it. He says he took it from someone at school, but doesn’t remember who. Of course. Swears it has been on his bookshelf since May…right. The nails? He was going to hang some pictures but decided not to. The orange stuff? Some sort of puddy and I don’t know how it became a big stain all over his bed and I don’t want to. He had to wash them immediately.  He now has nothing except a bed and some empty shelves. He has to be my stick tight now too since I obviously can’t trust him to go to any part of the house without magically revealing some stolen item or another. Today he is my mom’s stick tight, that should be interesting.  I am really afraid what this school year will bring. Junior high may not be as understanding as elementary was. I’ve explained that but he says he has no control over his actions and can’t stop stealing.  If he sees it and wants it, he takes it. Maybe…or maybe not.

H is out of control with her lying. It has always been an issue but now she will stand and talk to someone right in front of me lying about what we did that day. It is very awkward for me as I don’t want to embarrass whomever we are speaking with but what to say or do? I call her on her lies everyday, many times. I’ve laughed about her trying to “trick” me, I’ve given the disappointed face, pre-RAD understanding, I even punished her for it. I am at a loss. It is constant and it doesn’t matter who she is speaking to. It triggers M on a regular basis because many times the lies are about him but even if not, he won’t can’t just ignore her. If she isn’t lying, she is crying that she is hurt or sick or no one loves her. I am having a very hard time dealing with her because it is very irritating.  I can not have a conversation with my daughter that makes any sense.

I am exhausted.

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Responses

  1. There is a good chance I am totally off here, but it is a possibility that the sudden need to hug (previous post) is just as controlling and manipulative as not hugging. I have this with Genea which is why I thought of it. She wants a hug whenever I am in the middle of something involving both arms. Does she want me to show her how important she is that I will drop everything to hug her back? Dunno.
    About the lying, a few thoughts, you could jump right in there and lie to others with her. Just start making up crazy parts of the story too. Or, show her directly how lying hurts you by lying to her. Tell her you are going to do it that day if you want. Say something like, hey I have extra money lets go to McDonalds…. oops, sorry that’s a lie. SUCKS to be lied to huh?
    Don’t know if you tried these things or already dismissed them, but those are just some thoughts I had as I was reading.

  2. I completely agree about the hugging! The more I think about it, the more I know I need to be the one to say when hugs happen. Did you just read that? I can’t believe the thoughts I have as a parent now but NT has said this too: affection on the parent’s terms.

    There have been times that I have suggested we have cake for dinner or something and then said, ooops, I lied. I haven’t done it front of others though. Also, if something happens where she perceives she is being lied to, her feelings get very hurt but it seems like she doesn’t even connect her lying and others lying.

  3. Yikes! I did the lying to her thing and I did the Nancy Thomas keeping tally of lies thing. Both of those cut down the lying. We also had “practice telling lies” and “practice telling truths” time with sweets as treats for the truth. I prefaced every conversation with some statement about lies/truths and took the fun out of it for her. Then we just had to work on truthtelling as first option. The first strategies eliminated about 50% of the lying in about 2 weeks. Then it was slowgoing but we did continue to make progress. Sorry it was such as rough weekend. See you soon?


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