Posted by: amica | August 6, 2009


Things have been a bit crazy lately…ok, they are always crazy but I haven’t had time or desire to write lately. AE is still 2. I hear 3 isn’t much better. Lovely. At the same time, she is so funny at this age, using her vocabulary, mimicking her siblings, sounding like a teenager. Or at least an 8 year old drama queen. She rolls her eyes, walks off with a huff, repeats everything I tell her brother and sister to do, and comes out with the most amazing thoughts for such a young person.  She says, when someone asks her age, “I am 2 but I will be 3.  I don’t want to be 3 though.” Ask her why: “Because it hurts me…” She is coming to terms with it though, she just makes it very clear that up to H’s age is ok but she doesn’t want to be big like Mom.  I take that mean taller or older, not large, ok. She gives wonderful hugs and says “I miss you mama”, and “I love you mama” and it melts my heart each time.  She tells me not to go to work or asks if she can come along.  She also tells me she doesn’t like me and that I am ugly.  Before you want to bop her, she says everything/one is ugly, even herself. I am hoping she hasn’t gathered the true meaning or that it has an attention motive. AND she is ALL.ABOUT.HER.DADDY. right now. He calls pretty much weekly and is supposed to come see her next month.  She will tell strangers out of the blue, “I miss my Daddy!  He is coming to my house to see my bed and play with me and watch WinnDixie and tickle me and he loves me.” It breaks my heart for her. She really doesn’t have a time concept yet, thankfully, but when he says “I am coming in September,” she always says “I don’t like Eptimber.” It is going to hurt her when he leaves this time…

H is starting to have evenings where she can pick her age.  Most recently she picked 1 month old.  I rocked her and sang to her and fed her ice cream.  She didn’t like that she couldn’t have brownies or that she had to go to bed at the same time as AE, but I think she liked the benefits more. She is continuing to use any anger at her brother to get him in trouble.  I can see it now so as soon as it starts I pull her aside and ask why she is angry with him.  She tells me and we talk about it, I validate her feelings, remind her how she should handle it, and we continue on. It is great that I have figured this out but I worry about when school starts and she does this with classmates.  I am going to have to be in very close touch with her teacher.

M is doing better but I am not holding my breath.  Not to sound pessimistic but I am unsure of his current motives. He is handling H better, instead of getting revenge he now shrugs much of her drama off. This is HUGE for him. He has begun to hug me a million times a day.  The kid that never wanted affection now follows me around the house and I have had to tell him that I don’t like anyone to hug me from behind. He was ok with that.  I round any corner in the house and he is standing there with his arms outstretched – even when I am carrying something. He expects that I will at least stop walking so that he can hug me. He sits practically on top of me on the couch or if I am in the chair, he wants to be in my lap. I love that I can finally cuddle him but we went from nothing to ALL.THE.TIME. Sorry if I seem a little hesitant to believe this is positive change instead of a plan. I do have hope though!

Something funny: M allowed me to tap on him the other day and although he wouldn’t repeat what I was saying, he sat still and didn’t pull away.  Afterward I asked if he felt any better, even just a little? Nope, because he didn’t agree with the words I was using.  So the whole time he just sat there fuming over what I was saying instead of allowing himself to maybe feel better or even stop me to ask me to change the words. I can’t win!

Can’t remember if I mentioned that I fired the babysitter? If I did I apologize and I won’t go into it anyway.  Point is, my mom is now staying with us through the week to watch the kids until I find someone.  I feel so blessed to have her here and she is doing such a great job at trying to handle things RAD-style. She and M though – have always had a personality conflict.  They are both so stubborn and take things very personally.  I am not so stubborn but I am sensitive.  I handle that usually with hurt feelings and sometimes tears…I am getting better though!  Those two immediately turn hurt feelings into anger and oh boy – it can be a mess. Mom is getting better at walking away and M just vents to me when I get home.

We are ALL learning and becoming better people in this process but growing is often painful.


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