Posted by: amica | June 2, 2009

SWF looking for RAD Guru as Roommate

I’m not sure where to begin. Things are ok, same old daily issues and Dia has helped greatly with some advice on how to handle certain things. I am so glad that she has a couple of kids that are so similar to mine, she’s been there, done that already. I am always frustrated with people and how they don’t understand my kids. They seem normal, I hear. I know it isn’t society’s fault; I didn’t have a clue before either. If they had a physical problem, a handicap, then people wouldn’t question and it would be easier to meet their needs. Unfortunately, I am no longer talking about society. I am talking about me. Let me preface by saying I know I am being selfish and unreasonable and if I thought that was ok, I wouldn’t be writing about it. Truth is, I am trying so hard every day to remember the problems my children face. I am trying to look at them with compassion and sympathy and love in my eyes. I love them. I adore them. But I get so frustrated and my head is saying remember the RAD, remember the RAD, but I can’t get there most days. I want to go to the grocery store with my 3 children and not have to have my son walk in front so not only can I make sure he doesn’t steal anything but also because this keeps him away from H so that they can’t fight the entire time we are shopping. It doesn’t stop them from trying over and over again. I want to be able to read my list and comprehend that I need milk and bread instead of focusing on the touching of everything, the constant chatter, the tears from H when she wants attention and tries to convince me that the world is out to get her. I tell them no talking before we enter the store but you know how that goes. I can’t just leave when they do, I am a single mom of three kids and we need food! I want to watch them play in the backyard and be able to smile at their joy instead of reacting to every inappropriate comment or action that happens. I want to be in public and not feel like the crappy mom whose child speaks disrespectfully about females and whose daughter tells everyone all about the dysfunction of our lives. I am unable to focus on normal issues: bills, appointments, schedules, my job, my 2 year olds needs – I would like to once again pee in private and not “Hey everyone, mom has to pee so you go here, you sit here and baby girl, you come with me”!! Maybe if I could see their problem, like it was a physical handicap, then I wouldn’t be so frustrated and I could be a better mom. I don’t forget the RAD but sometimes I am delayed in remembering. In that moment when the ugliness is peaking, I still sometimes treat them like “normal” children who are just misbehaving. I still show my frustration, I still have a negative tone, I still have the look. And then I feel horrible. I need help and not to say you guys haven’t been amazing and I still look forward to your words of wisdom and encouragement. But I need someone to say, go ahead and take care of that, I’ll get dinner. Or you take one and I’ll take the other. Or this is what you need to do with this situation, as it is happening. I don’t mean a husband…remember I am not a good man picker. I would settle for someone to move in that has a clue how to handle this. I admit it; I am in WAY over my head.

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Responses

  1. Oh, sweetie… I wish I didn’t live thousands of miles away! Is there anything I could do from a distance? Anything you need??? Once Audrey gets a little bigger, I’m coming for a visit, keeping the kids, and sending you to the spa! Or the bar. Or maybe both.

  2. Oh my goodness, if I had a dime for every time I’ve wanted to call Nancy Thomas crying, and beg her to live with me …

    Well, then I would have enough money to PAY her to actually do so! 🙂

  3. I feel your pain, and I only have ONE of them! I’m learning that the ups and downs are normal. Still so hard. Do you have respite at all? I think it may be time for a little rejuvenation.

  4. Trust me I have felt this way many times. Way more than I can count.


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