Posted by: amica | April 30, 2009

RAD is the Name, Chaos is the Game

It all started Friday night last week.  H said she wanted to tell me something but she didn’t want to get in trouble or for M to know she was telling. I was putting the baby to sleep, so the three of us went and got in my bed so she could speak in private.  She told me M physically forced her, the baby sitter’s 6 year old grandson, and another 8 year old girl to participate in sexual acts.  She seemed terrified of M and was scared she was pregnant.  I was horrified!  When they came to live with me, they were “being curious” with each other, had been before and were never told it was inappropriate.  We talked, precautions were put in place, and therapy began.  At the age of 3, H was sexually aggressive with boys her age. Fast forward through much therapy and I thought we had put that fire out long ago. I knew H probably hadn’t said no to everything but the force she described M using to make her do things were a nightmare.  I called Elisha immediately, hysterical. She was my rock once again. Then I called Mike Groomer. He said I needed to contact our therapist and that I would have to contact the authorities because this involved other families.  If they reported it before I did, I could be in trouble and risk losing all my kids. My worst fear has always been if one day I had to “choose” between my kids but I knew what I had to do and the therapist agreed.  She also told me it was still very possible that they would take all the kids even if only temporary.  This was not an option. If M had to go I would fight for him and fight to get him help but at least there was a reason.  H would regret ever telling me anything and my 2 year old?  She would understand nothing and she is terrified of strangers.  This thought had me in uncontrollable sobs. I called my mom first thing Saturday and had to explain the situation.  She had a stroke in December and isn’t supposed to get upset…I kept telling her to please stay calm.  She did on the outside and headed this way.  I also called a local friend that also came right over.  When M got up, I told him he needed to stay in his room until I came to get him; the therapist wanted to be there to help me explain to him what was going on.  There was also a fear of his reaction. Once mom and my friend arrived, I went to the baby sitter’shouse with the girls and my friend.  I couldn’t breathe.  I was about to destroy this family’s world.  Between H and I, we explained what happened and they were immediately defensive.  That never could have taken place there because the kids were always supervised.  That poor little boy stood there and his mom, dad, and grandmother never offered to reach out to him.  They were all irritated that we would even suggest anything like that could have taken place in their home.  I was blown away. I realize this jeopardized her business but come on! We came home and I called the authorities.  The police showed up, a very nice officer that admitted this was way over his head.  He spoke with his supervisor and they are charging M with indecency with a minor.  He then said I had to call CPS. So I did. We told both the police and CPS that my mom was taking the girls to Austin. I checked on M a couple of times to see if he needed to use the restroom and to take him breakfast.  He was visually upset because he saw the police through his window.  I hugged him and told him I loved him and that I would be in shortly to talk with him. The therapist arrived and we did just that. He agreed that he encouraged the others to do things but that he never touched anyone. The therapist explained what was happening and what could happen. We never told him what H said in detail, only the location and who was involved – he knew from that what we were talking about. Mom left with the girls, CPS placed our case as top priority and said someone would be there within 24 hours.  Everyone left and suddenly M was happier than I had seen him in a long time. He wanted me to play games with him, to show me magic tricks, to watch a movie with him.  It was disturbing but I went with it. On Tuesday, CPS finally interviewed M at school.  I had already spoken with the principle on Monday and he gathered H’s work for the week and had M under bathroom supervision.  The little boy says nothing really happened and the other girl’s story is only about M being mean, hitting and kicking H, but the only physical situation she stated was that M touched her and H on the front of their pants.  H says this never happened.  The girl’s mom said to just let her know if someone needed to talk to her daughter….CRAZY!!  If my child said that…I wouldn’t be like whatever!! The CPS lady and I played phone tag a couple of times and she had mentioned via voicemail getting together with us next week to talk to H.  I emailed her and explained my girls were in Austin until CPS agreed otherwise.  The quicker we could get this done, the better.  She called me last night while the kids were in neuro-feedback therapy. I was leary but she honestly seemed nice.  She said M is very intelligent, articulate, and a dark child.  She said she doesn’t see him as a current predator but without help, he could definitely become someone society would fear.  She also said with my percautions, alarms on the doors/windows, getting off work early to pick the kids up from school and them not being in daycare, them already being in therapy, etc, that she had no problem with the girls coming home. She wanted me to get the therapists opinion and go with what she said.  She also asked that I give the therapist a release so that she could speak with her. She said unless H cried penetration recently or anytime in her life, there would be no reason for an exam.  I was so relieved. I spoke with the therapist and she agreed with CPS, adding that H should be kept away from the baby unsupervised too since she is child that desires a lot of attention.  Recently she has gotten a bunch of attention and the therapist is a little afraid H might do something to keep the attention aimed at her, good or bad.  So the girls are coming home tomorrow and we will have all new rules. Also, H admitted on her own yesterday that she may have embellished a bit.  That M did tell her to go further but he never touched her or physically made her do anything.  M had also said that he saw H and the babysitter’s grandson doing things “all the time” and that he just gave them more ideas.  This is still wrong but definitely a much different picture than I had originally been given.  Then today H said she taught that little boy how to do those things and that he wasn’t the first…I think we focused on the wrong child as the predator.  Another problem is summer – no childcare in the summer??  Me getting off work a couple of hours early everyday and then working from home in the evenings is a lot different than being allowed to work from home full time.  I don’t know what we are going to do. CPS will keep me updated with what the police are doing and we are still in a state of limbo.

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Responses

  1. Doesn’t it feel like someone shoved you in the washing machine and put you on spin cycle?

    We deal with sexual issues in our house as well. It sickens me that our kids have been exposed to such horrible things that compel them to act out.

    It is hard. It rips out your heart. My thoughts are with you.

  2. Wow, you really took the whole thing on! What a terrible situation for all of you. But I have to say, it looks like you handled everything quite well! Those poor kids, sheesh. There is a special place in hell for the people who molest children.

  3. I am so glad you shared all of this. We’ve been there. Ohhhh have we been there.

  4. I wish so much that I was there to give hugs all around. The great thing is that you’ve found resources to help you as you work through this, and that all the kids know they’re loved and will be protected. I will be praying for everyone–please keep us posted and let us know if you need anything!!

  5. any new thoughts about summer child care?


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