Posted by: amica | April 24, 2009

Bring It On!

There once was a little girl that had parents who didn’t want her.  Never wanted children at all. The little girl cried and cried in her crib while her mom sat in another room trying to drown out the noise.  The mom was always consumed by her own needs, her appearance, her sexiness, her self. The dad worked and drank.  He enjoyed having the trophy wife but theirs was not a marriage of bliss. The mom began having an affair, the dad drank more, and the little girl could do whatever she wanted as long as she didn’t bother them. This continued over the years and by the time the little girl was in junior high, she was a horrible bully. Make you sit in the bathroom crying during lunch kind of bully.  Pull your pants down in front of the other kids kind of bully.  Call everyone the night before and tell them not to speak to you the next day kind of bully. She had power over everyone, was popular but not necessarily liked, more feared. You wanted to be her friend because if you weren’t, life was made miserable. Her dad introduced her to pot when she was 13. That same year she was dating a 19 year old boy.  Not surprisingly, by her sophomore year, she was having sex, stoned or worse, and tried committing suicide more than once.  Not actually wanting to end her life but definitely needing some attention.  By this point her parents saw her as even more of a burden and never noticed that she just needed them to care for her. At 17, she became pregnant. She brought the pee stick to school to show it off to everyone. She dropped out of school and moved in with her elderly grandmother.  Then began the story of another little girl.  Her dad was non-existent and her mom was out partying.  Her great-grandmother couldn’t remember to take her own medication much less take care of an infant.  She was unable to even lift the little girl from the crib. CPS was called and they contacted the mom to let her know exactly when they would be dropping by. Everything was in order that day and the elderly woman lied to save her granddaughter from being punished. Or maybe to keep that little girl from leaving the family. In any case, the little girl became sick. Her mother didn’t take her to a doctor because she didn’t have a job or any money. The little girl’s grandmother reluctantly came and took her to the doctor. She came back, gave the little girl to her mother with the prescriptions to be filled and the money to do it.  The mom didn’t use the money to help the little girl get better, she used it for herself. The grandmother came to check in after a few days and saw the prescriptions still laying on the counter. She packed the little girl’s things and took her. Her mom never came to get her.  She is now 16.  During those years, her mom was arrested for burglary, was in and out of prison and continued to use.  Then began the story of a little boy. The boy was born while his mom was in prison.  Unfortunately, she hadn’t been there long and he didn’t get to avoid her extracurricular using and it’s affects on his little body.  He was immediately put into foster care and spent his first 2 years with a loving family that wanted to adopt him.  At that time his mom was released and she went and got him.  She called his dad and said “here we are”.  He said “I don’t want to see you”.  He has never seen that little boy.  Two weeks later, the mom dropped the little boy off with her own alcoholic dad. Then she left.  He lived there for 4 years.  He never learned how to bathe or use the restroom or utensils correctly. He never sat down to a meal, only carried around chips and a Mountain Dew.  He arrived at school in his pajamas. He was sexually traumatized by someone.  The grandfather moved around so much and that little boy was exposed to living with so many different people, no one may ever know who hurt him. Three years after his birth, that little boy and little girl’s mom had a baby. Then begins the story of yet another little girl.  This little girl got to live with her mom and  her dad!  Until she was 8 months old. Then her daddy came home from work early one day and found her mom with three men, with three men – for drugs. Her daddy left that day and never came back. She would visit with him a few times in the future but never to be raised by him. So she and her mom moved from place to place, from crack house to crack house until she was 3.  The little girl was also sexually traumatized and even had a knife held to her little throat once. Her mom took the little girl to her grandfather, where her brother also was.  Then her mom left. Her grandfather was living with a woman at that time.  Shortly after the little girl moved in, her grandfather and the woman had a fight. Then the grandfather left. And took her brother with him…

This is when I come into the picture and take both the youngest little girl and her brother to live with me. Their mother went to prison a couple more times in the last 5 years. She finally finished her 10 year sentence last year.  She lived over a year near her oldest daughter and was seeing her on a regular basis for the first time. On average we have heard from her once a year.  The last time was in July of last year when she unexpectedly showed up at a family reunion. Until last night. She calls and she wants to see her kids.  She moved 6 months ago and instead of living 5 hours away from us, she now lives an hour away. She is clean now, she promises (again).  She has an interview next week at the Dollar Store.  She is getting married. She wants to be consistent now (again). She misses them and wants them in her life (again). I explained to her about their recent diagnosis and she didn’t bat an eye. Didn’t ask what it is, are they ok or anything.  She said they need her in their lives now and then they will get better. She said I have to give her another shot, those are her kids. I told her I am busting my ass to help them heal and I will do so until there isn’t a breath left in me.  I am not going to let her or her mom or her dad continue to pop in and out of their lives. I also told her I would speak to their therapist and get her opinion on this.  She then asked to at least speak with them and I said no.  All my life I have been so intimated by her, still as an adult because she is mean, people!  But not yesterday. Yesterday I put my foot down and said I will not allow you to hurt these babies anymore. And I won’t.

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Responses

  1. HELL-TO-THE-YEAH!!!!! I am behind you 100%!!! Readers, I also grew up with this mean girl. I can attest to how intimidating and manipulative she is. Saying no to her is a HUGE deal, and I’m so proud!

  2. Yay Laynie! Woo hoo!

  3. Good job! It has to be extra crummy to have the birth mom as part of all of your biological family. I think you are right also, and it is a great idea to seek out your therapists opinion. Sometimes the therapist will help facilitate a visit or conversation, others wont.
    Your kids have had it hard. If they see her it could be devastating.

  4. Good for you! Those kids bring out the warrior in you…


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