Posted by: amica | April 3, 2009

More Drama

First off, I want to say CONGRATS!!  to my friend Jen and her hubby Mike on the birth of their first child!  Audrey Christine Schiller was born at 8:31 last night.  She weighs 8lbs 4oz and is 21 inches long. She is a beauty!!!

audrey

 

Things have been crazy in our house the past couple of days, pardon the pun.  I got the DVDs and books that I had ordered (finally!) and am studying like a mad woman. Taking notes, figuring out what applies and what doesn’t, and putting together my plan.  I have started some techniques already, as you know, but the “plan of attack” will begin on Monday.  I need to purchase a few things over the weekend and completely get my ducks in a row.  I feel good about this but also very nervous – can I be the person that follows through with my intentions? I know myself, I know how I can let things slide. I can’t slide here, the whole point is to be in control and I MUST be seen as in control to the kids. 

We started “cuddle time” this week.  H LOVES IT!  She told me last night during cuddle time that she looks forward to it all day, that it’s her favorite part of the whole day.  I almost cried and told her we should have been doing this all along.  I rock her while looking into her eyes and telling her that if she would have been with me as a baby, I would have rocked her this way, I would have kissed her forehead and held her close and sang to her.  I told her this while feeding her ice cream.  Sugar is important to be given by the mom in the attachment process – just like a baby receives the sweet milk from mom while rocking.  It was amazing!

M actually agreed to it, sorta.  He only fought me with his words. He was rigid and wouldn’t make eye contact and I didn’t push with too much touch. I just rocked and hummed and looked at him in case he were to look back.  I also feed him sweet tarts. Last night though, no cuddle time for him. Not my choice but he was so upset that he refused to have anything to do with me.  He did do the strong sitting but I don’t think he used the time for happy, relaxing thoughts.  I could see the smoke coming out of his ears!  He made a bad decision to lie and manipulate and I knew what I had to do.  It was hard, I won’t lie, but I have to remind myself that this is to help him.  I told him he couldn’t go to the birthday party he had lied about.  He ran to his room and proceeded to bawl.  I went in there after a few minutes and spoke with him. I told him I was so sorry for him and I knew he was experiencing many emotions.  He agreed with them as I listed, anger, disappointment, sad, hurt. He told me he didn’t lie but he knew I wouldn’t believe him.  He went around the world and back and was lying to cover lies so I just gave him a kiss on the cheek. I told him I loved him and left before I got angry. We will go to the party and he will give his friend a gift and then we will leave.  Joy…

H got up this morning just like every other morning saying she was going to puke and could I take her temperature.  I told her she should go to the bathroom and let me know if she puked.  After 10 min I went in there and asked how she was.  She started to cry, that girl can turn on the tears like nothing you have ever seen. I got down and sat next to her.  I cupped my hands around her face, looked into her eyes, and said “honey we both know you are not sick.  Tell me what you are feeling.  Is there a reason you don’t want to go to school?  I can’t fix it if I don’t know the problem.”  She said there was no reason and that she was really sick.  She asked if I could at least write her a note to get out of P.E.?  I told her if she was that sick at P.E. time, I am sure the school would call me.  The she wailed BUT MY TEACHER SAYS WE HAVE TO PUKE BEFORE WE CAN GO TO THE NURSE!!! It took everything I had not to burst out laughing.  She just couldn’t win. She went to school and I have the phone close by.  I have told her the story about crying wolf several times, pointed out why people can’t believe her, etc but nothing works.  So, she goes to school crying and I’m sure her little friends think I am evil.

I fired the therapist last night.  Before she has even met the kids.  Actually it wasn’t that harsh.  She is a very nice girl and I just told her that from everything I have read and everyone I have talked to, I have to stand firm on my being in the session with the kids.  She reiterated that she didn’t know if that was what she wanted to do until she met with them a few times.  I explained that I didn’t want to waste her or our time and she said she didn’t want to make any false promises.  So we mutually agreed to split up. There was a sense of relief that I had put my foot down but now I have to find another therapist.  SOON! 😦

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Responses

  1. What a cute baby… (I may be a little bit biased!)

    It sounds like things are starting to come together in terms of figuring out what the kids need and how you can best address those needs. I really admire you–this is such a huge challenge to tackle!


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