Posted by: amica | March 31, 2009

Explanation

Elisha, in case you don’t know, is my BFF since 5th grade. Not only is she an amazing person and a wonderful support for me, but she also happens to be in the process of becoming a psychiatric nurse (correct me Elisha, if this title is incorrect).  She has been training about the same things I am currently learning about and what an amazing gift to me, to have her on this journey along side me. In the comments of the last post, she asked:

 I was wondering, what have you told the kids about the changes in your parenting style, if anything? and how did you introduce the new techniques to them?

I had originally wanted to wait to have the therapist explain the changes to them and the need for it.  On the grander scale, that still holds true.  Seeing that their first appointment is almost 2 weeks away, I went ahead and briefed them.  They are very intelligent kids and they know they have certain issues so I wasn’t slapping them with anything too new.  I first told them that they would be seeing a “feelings doctor” again.  H, who could have a conversation with a brick wall, was excited.  M, who hates to talk unless it’s about his social life and girls and then won’t shut up, groaned and corrected me that it’s a counselor.  I also explained that this time would be different.  That this time I had more understanding as to what they need and that I took a long time to find just the right therapist for them.  I told them all about her when I came home from my first appointment.  Then Monday I sat them down and said, M, you know that feeling you get in your chest where you are so angry and you can’t make it go away?  That you get so mad over small things and it doesn’t make sense but you can’t explain the anger you feel?  And H, you know how you have nightmares all the time and get “stuck” talking about things that aren’t true?  How you can’t make them stop either?  They both nodded and I continued to explain that I had learned about some techniques that can hopefully help them. I also told them I was going to be making several changes to help them – some they would like and some they might not.  I then logged into the youtube demo that a lady I have been speaking with created.  (http://lisajordanpuddin.blogspot.com/) I first told them a little about her daughter and what kind of trauma she had experienced as a young child.  They both seemed moved by her story. I then showed them the videos of her demonstrating tapping and rubbing.  I also showed them another demo I had found on youtube of strong sitting.  H was all about it, couldn’t wait to start which didn’t surprise me at all.  She loves trying new things.  M thought it was…well…stupid.  Like I said, he groaned and complained and is still complaining but he does it.  I also took some classical music (No Bach though from what I have been told) in for him to listen to while doing his homework – yes he was doing his homework!* – and he hated that too but he didn’t throw it at me so I guess we are ok so far. I told him about Beethoven, about him being deaf when he wrote his music and how, although in his younger years he could hear so he knew what the instruments and notes sounded like, he never got to hear his own music. I also explained that these guys were basically the first musicians.  He loves music and seemed pretty impressed.  He wasn’t a fan of the fact that there was no singing but he was surprised that he recognized many of the songs.  I only played these and spoke with him for about 20 min because he was concerned I would take till bedtime.  I am trying to show him respect and not push too much at once so that hopefully he will come around or at least not fight me much.  H was out with her “Big Sister” (they are both in the BB/BS program) tonight so tomorrow I can introduce it to her.

  • Every since I sent an email to his teacher last week, that I wasn’t going to fight with M about his homework anymore – not bringing it home, “forgetting” he had it, not getting his planner signed by the teacher, etc – he has done it every day.  I read (http://www.attachment.org/pages_teachers_homework.php) that RAD kids use homework as a controlling situation and as long as it was something I was making him do, he would fight me on it.  So I stopped “caring” about it and left it as his choice.  Seems to be working!  I am so glad there are smart people out there who can teach me!
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Responses

  1. minor correction: the plan is to become a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner (PMHNP), but becoming a psychiatric nurse is the first step 🙂 I am honored to be on this journey along side you.

  2. I so admire people who don’t let grass grow under their feet. The ones that take the bull by the horns and make things happen. You’re doing that Laynie and I, like Elisha, am so grateful to be riding along on the journey!

  3. P.S. I’m so glad you’re blogging. I was going to suggest it to you but was afraid you’d be so overwhelmed with all the new changes. It will be wonderful to be able to note changes and see your progress and the kids as the journey continues. If you don’t you’ll forget and it will be harder to see the progress.

    Great job!

  4. Progress!! You’re doing such a phenomenal job…

  5. These kids are so lucky to have you in their lives. You are an absolute blessing! Good luck with each step all of you take in your progression to health and happiness.

    • Thanks so much for your support! It means so much!


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